Somewhere Only We Know

For you, “the one”, during a time in space

Late Summer, 2013

… the hedges, right? The one by my house, the one we used to walk past after school every day as I talked to you endlessly about the chemistry of biological solutions in sociology. Or something like that.

We’d walk home, holding hands. I loved how your hands felt in mine, it was a perfect fit, it was safe. You’d leave me with a hug. You always felt so strong, comforting and protective.

You felt like home, almost immediately.

As soon as you left, I missed you. I’d go into my room, lay down and sigh out all the excess emotions I felt for you. Love. Happiness. Content-ness. Butterflies. Well, more like a zoo. Wait, isn’t that a song? Whatever. At that moment, the cheesiest love song was the most relatable thing.

Autumn, 2012

We met at our school foyer. You were red. You were handing out leaflets to guests coming in and I was hiding away from my parents and teachers because of the usual fear of parents’ evening. We got talking about fireworks night. I started singing Katy Perry’s “Fireworks” out of tune. I don’t think you appreciated being deafened that evening but I did see you smile a little bit.

Early Summer, 2013

We had chemistry.

In fact, straight after that awkward “omg I haven’t seen you since x” conversation on the corridors and the usual Facebook message (I sent”quack” because that’s how 17-year-olds flirt, right?), we instantly got talking about family, hobbies, your impressive Minecraft server, my collection of Playstation games, the future – I told you about my favourite area of science: optic vision. At one point, I wanted to be an optician. I enjoyed eye contact and liked looking into your eyes in particular. I didn’t tell you how much I loved the colours of your eyes; a mixture of different shades of brown and hazel.

I found the rarity of our eyes meeting funny, you mostly stared at the Starbucks cup which I sipped on a lot when I got nervous.

Why was I even having hot chocolate in the middle of a hot day in July?

Why am I on a date with the biggest nerd ever?

Wait, is this even a date?

Yeah. I think it was.

We went on another, and another and then another which eventually led up to officially declaring on Facebook that we were, you know, going on dates. You love coffee so most of them were at Starbucks – especially the branch where I got my phone stolen during one of our dates. Ha – remember that? It was our third date and we ended up at the police station. Because of course, we did.

November, 2013

You showed me parts of my city, I didn’t even know existed, including that police station at the shady end of town. But also nice places too – like the quirky little Italian restaurant at the end of the block, the one where waitresses wore bright blue eyeshadow and called us “duck” – the one we had our first dinner together. It was getting darker earlier with a month left until Christmas. This time of year always feels so homely, especially now with you. You ordered a mushroom pizza and I pulled a face.

“You should try this, it’s amazing!”

“But I really don’t like -“

And this was the evening I fell in love with Italian food, mushrooms and even fell a little bit more for you.

I started believing in the saying: the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. The restaurant played some great jazz music. Before you, I hadn’t really appreciated jazz or Electro Swing or even saxophones but now I see why you like to dance and sing along to them, often remixing it with your own lyrics. Lyrics that fit us.

Some time, 2014

A year and a few months in, as I was sat opposite you at yet another restaurant, a strange feeling hit me.

It wasn’t just the excitement for the food but an electric shock of realisation: I think I could do this for a while. With you. “A while” defined as a long time. The shock was similar to the one we both felt that time we were still awkward teenagers and had weird crushes on each other. We had accidentally touched each other’s hands outside your stuffy Period 4 Further Maths class and felt it.

I shared this with you. You felt the same. I was ecstatic.

There were a few times your eyes would sparkle because you got emotional. I loved that raw emotion you never failed to express.

Like, the genuine happiness you expressed when we both got into University.

Our hours spent after school of intensely revising Biology and Chemistry, cracking up jokes to get through it, sharing resources and doing exam papers together paid off – we got it as a team and went in as one too.

We did a lot of things together – as expected of couples but you never was just a guy I was dating, you were my best friend, my family, my biggest crush, my biggest supporter, my lover, my alma gemela.

I believe in soulmates at the time because that’s where true loves come from, right? I really am silly, but so are most princesses in Disney.

What is love? Writing this now, I’m not sure.

But at that time, I was so certain that connecting with another human to that level was love. I thought the patience of watching me heal from previous scars, the constant surprises during our monthsarys, sharing the last bit of food, giving me your coat in the rain and snow, the hugs during my panic attacks and holding me tightly on the bus so I wouldn’t fall when it suddenly stopped,

was love.


Why did you say that you’d stay on the bus with her and take her home? Why won’t you take me home, up the hill, pass the hedges? Why didn’t you take me out to see that musical? Why is she still texting you?

You’re angry at me now, for overreacting.

Maybe I was overreacting – actually, I most certainly was overreacting. I freaked out and got paranoid. I might’ve judged too quickly and reacted too fast. I’m sorry I was explosive; my emotions get the better of me sometimes. After the silent treatment, you hugged me tight and reassured me again by stroking my hair and giving me a kiss on the top part of my cheek. The soft part.

“We’re still on the same team and no one else is in it, right?”

“Yes, always.”

Did you mean that?

Spring, 2016

As university days pass by, we both increasingly became more and more stressed.

At some point in the second year of university, I realised that I needed a break. A break from the assignments, the studying, the academic pressure.

And then the opportunity arose: I was “head-hunted” by an employer. From this, I realised the importance and value of practical work. What you can achieve from multi-disciplinary work struck me.

Suddenly, I found a fresh drive and motivation to finish my second year and secure a year-long placement where I could learn practical skills and apply them to problems in the future. I was excited and shared it with you – maybe over-sharing – almost constantly sharing the details of each and every application I put through. I realise now that my constant talk of applications might’ve added unnecessary pressure.

I might’ve started sounding like your parents.

I’m sorry that I’m like this. I know that I have a habit of hanging on to opportunity and potential so tightly, directing my focus purely on them until I finally achieve what I want. It might be selfish but I wanted you to understand that in addition to being your lover, I also have my own dreams.

Am I being selfish?

You never answered.

You didn’t want to hear it anymore.

You shut me out. I tried to communicate but you weren’t communicating. The fights became frequent. The white dots spread. The grudges never shifted. Why are you mad at me again? Why am I mad at you? Why aren’t you listening to me? Another white dot. But is that important? No, it’s not. You’re perfectly fine. Listen to me. Let’s talk. Let’s work on this. Don’t walk away. Don’t shout at me.

We’re outside university. Stop blaming me. I’m upset. Don’t ignore it. Don’t you dare walk away again.

We’re on our way home. Stop blaming me. I’m upset. Don’t ignore it. Don’t you dare walk away again.

We’re eating at our favourite Italian place. Stop blaming me. I’m upset. Don’t ignore it. Don’t you dare walk away again.


We’re in London, walking down South Bank. You blame me again and I blame you right back. Silent. Angry. Ignoring.

I look up and see London lit up in dark and then at you, you’re building up walls like the video games we played to protect ourselves from the enemy.

But honey, I’m not your enemy and we’re not against each other.

I’m not home anymore, I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel protected. In a desperate moment, I reach for your hand with the expectation of your usual gentle self slowly unfold but instead, I feel you push my hand away. That’s painful.

Come back and talk to me, come back and communicate. Am I too much? I’m sorry, that’s just who I am. I’m sorry if my constant talk about the future stressed you out. I’m sorry I shouted at you because of how you acted in front of her, I just want to be respected. What do you mean that you don’t feel any fire between us anymore? Please answer me. It’s dark again but I’m in my room and not with you. My anxiety is eating me alive. I’m finding it hard not to burst out into a panic. Where are you? Why is your stupid phone telling me that you can’t be reached again? I mentally count seven. This is the seventh night in a row. Where are you?

Summer, 2016


Couples fight, right? And that’s okay. We’re going to be okay. I mean, it’d totally be unnatural if we didn’t fight.

The freedom from exams embraces us. The stress slowly melts away and all we feel is a burden being lifted from our shoulders. I continue to discuss the exam as we walk to a park in the typical British summer. We both make it an annual thing to embrace nature after exams, we’ve done it for the last 3 years. It was our tradition.

You’re annoyed. I’m not sure if it’s because of me going on about if the heart was showing its left or right ventricle or the fact that it’s raining. You dislike rain a lot and spend a good few minutes warming up your feet with a blow dryer when you get home. I smile at the memory of myself being extra prepared whenever it rained to make sure you were safe from the rain.

You’re still frowning and I plant a kiss on your cheek with your glasses scratching my face a little bit. I don’t mind, it happens often. I look up at you lovingly and feel the excitement for the three months of summer ahead. Our university friends go back home and our old school friends return. Our catch-ups with them are always fun, the shock they never fail to bring back when we answer the question:

“Are you guys still together?”

Yes, I always say enthusiastically. Since day one, I’ve been so hyped by my relationship with you. People who had only just met us would often assume we were in the early stages of our relationship i.e. “the honeymoon stage” because we were still so “in love” years later.

I look over you with my heart singing but you’re not awake. You seem tired.


Like attempting to connect to that shitty coffee shop WiFi, getting us on the same page again resulted in nothing but failure.

Honey, are you there?

The sun is actually shining in Sheffield now. We’ve just both come back, glowing, after a week in the sun. I’m still working at the shoe shop in the middle of town. I know I promised you that I will hand in my notice soon. But this time I will! Especially since I finally secured that year long placement I kept telling you about, in the university too so I can still see you throughout the year. After all the stress last year, I finally did it! Are you proud of me?


Hello, where are you? Oh, you’re running late? That’s fine. I’ll wait here.

I see you and you’re looking as great as ever. Your hair gets lighter in the summer and your eyes too. You look more and more like a bear these days. You’ve called me bunny since we started dating. We’ve been bunny and bear, just like our favourite John Lewis advert.

You take me to the newly opened Costa branch and offer to buy me my favourite drink – mango passion juice. I don’t know if you know this, but I love mango in the summer. I appreciate you and thank you a million times.

Mango in the summer. Sat where the thief with the flickering eyes showed us a magic trick.

As I sit, soaking in the surroundings, I’m excited to tell you more about my day at the shoe shop and my placement. I quickly look over at my phone and read July 31st, 2016. There are only a few days left until our anniversary. We were going to start finalising our plans to the visit the Lake District. Wow. Our anniversary. We were turning into an old couple, and there was no other way else I’d rather have it.  I look up at you with my eyes sparkling.

But your eyes are darker now and for a second, I couldn’t recognise you.

Why are you looking at me like that? What’s wrong?

What’s wrong?

You say it quickly and then slower as if to make sure that I heard you.

I heard you the first time despite the loud chatter and crying children around us.

My face must’ve given away my emotions too quickly. I tried to stay strong and hold it together because this isn’t the first time you’ve hurt me like this. You walk away again with the intention of never coming back. And that’s fine, says my rational mind. But my rational mind was not present then.

I run after you and you repeat it. What do you mean? I’m confused. Why are you acting so cold? I’m suddenly freezing. Why are you hurting me? I’m in so much pain. I can’t breathe, I feel as though you’ve got your hands around my neck, strangling me. I’m crying in the middle of the busy shopping centre. But I love you. We’re a team. You’re the one, I say your name.

You tell me that I never was the one.

And just like that, you push me, the furthest you’ve ever pushed me. I’m taken aback by your words emotionally and physically to the point that I stumble and fall. Everybody is watching now. I hear people asking “are you okay?” They try and help me up but all I want is to stay right here. I look up and you’re nowhere to be found.

Our 3 years and our future plans were gone in a 5-minute conversation that left me with so many unanswered questions.

Spring, this year

It’s weird walking down the stairs to the foyer of the hotel without you by my side. Wearing heels sucks. I’ve always been a trainers type of gal. You always laughed at how tiny my feet are and I laughed at how huge yours are no matter what shoes you wear!

The foyer was crowded with unfamiliar faces. I’m anxious. All I can remember is how you would usually keep me close and calm down my anxieties in public places like this.

Suddenly I feel a hand touch mine and jump at the skin contact. It’s one of my friends, complimenting my dress and asking for a photo. I agree to it and start to relax a little bit.

I feel weird.

I see you by the bar. I’m certain it’s is you but I’m not sure, when did you start drinking?

But that’s definitely your hair and glasses. I think you’re still wearing the suit you wore to our first prom together in 2014. You’re wearing a bow tie. Bow ties are cool.

I feel you acknowledge me. It seems like we reversed roles – I avoid your gaze at all costs because looking at you in the eyes would tear me apart. I can’t. You call my name and ask me a question. You only call me Pauline when you are mad at me. I don’t remember what you said. Perhaps it was just casual small talk.

When did we result to small talk?

It makes my skin crawl and I flinch. I reply with something – maybe not the best response – but I was clouded by the anger from betrayal.

You seemed shocked.

I was shocked by how I acted so confident and put together on the outside. Inside, all I wanted to do was scream at you and ask you the questions I don’t have answers for yet.

The evening went on. I heard people asking you if you were okay because you were frowning a lot. I kept smiling and laughing to protect myself from any more pain inflicted by your actions. I won’t cry over you again.

Who is she?

Actually, I don’t mind.

Where are you?

You know what, it doesn’t matter.

Do you still love me?

Do I still love you?


I do.

I think I’ll love you for a while.

A while defined as forever.


I’ve come to learn that relationships aren’t easy. Effort from both parties is important. I can’t lie to you or anyone else and say that I was perfect, you know full well that I was far from it. But what I can confidently say is that during our time together, I was dedicated and committed to you and only you.

Long-term relationships can be easy to take for granted after a while. The assumption that your other half will always be there is an easy trap to fall into. I know that at times I did and I’ve learnt since to be more mindful of this and to appreciate every moment and to consistently express gratitude.

Letting go has been the hardest part of this and closure was something I never really got from you. There is no point in me keeping in anger and resentment anymore. Putting the past behind me will always be difficult and for the first few months, my only way of coping was to hate you for hurting me.

This year, I found myself somewhere else in the world, outside of our city, often in awe of beautiful views.

One day, as I hiked up to see the sunrise, I thought of you and I thought of what had been. What filled my mind and heart was not resentment but an underlying feeling of gratitude and appreciation.

I was grateful for the advice, the heart-to-heart conversations late at night on everything and anything, the moments of vulnerability, the continuous love and support over three years, the protection from the bad people and things, the things I learned from our time together, the jokes only we would know, the places only we would know.

Although the memories will always be stabbing me in the back, I appreciate your generous heart during the time. If I could do it all over again, knowing full well that it would end like this, I would volunteer without hesitation. Why?

You allowed me to love.

You allowed me to be loved.

Letting me go, the way you did, broke me apart, yes but also resulted in the most positive self-growth.

I am a different woman: I am wiser and stronger. I know how what I deserve. I know how to love better, I am in love. I remember who I am; an individual rather than just someone who is ‘yours.’

There’s the saying:

People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime

You came into my life for a reason, stayed for all four seasons (three times actually) and gave me a lifetime of lessons. I recognise what you brought into my life and I am eternally thankful.

During a time in space, you were the one.

During my present time in space, you are the one I loved intensely, the one I grew up with, the one I shared the best moments of my life with, the one I will always admire, the one with many names, the one I will cherish forever.


*Featured image by Aaron Blaise

20 responses to “Somewhere Only We Know”

  1. Sniffles. I got teary reading this, felt like I was transported to another world, at the same time feeling a sense of warmth at the end. You grew a lot through this relationship, Pauline. And I know just how badly it must have hurt and how it might have taken you the slow burn of long days to let all these words escape your chest in written form. I feel the sadness, the coldness, and the pain that you felt in the minutes that it ended.

    Relationships are never easy, and what people see on the surface – like those who asked if you were still together – is so far removed from what really goes on. Relationships take the work of all parties involved. If one person lets go, there is no relationship anymore, and there is a world of hurt even when it’s a mutual split.

    I’m sorry you were treated in a less than graceful fashion, but as I’m sure you have learned, all relationships that end will end with some form of pain. But looking back, I’m so glad you have learned a lot about relationships and also about yourself. I admire you SO much for realising that you, at one point in time, were in love, and had a love that was worthy of keeping, had it worked out. It’s not easy to admit that. I’ve been there before, too, and it even brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it – a love lost. All the cliches can come and go, like how it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all, and how some lives simply never die, but these cliches will never equate to that feeling of actually reflecting and looking back on how it felt at the time. It’s a vision that is entirely different from actually being in it at the time – to look back is uplifting. The closure you get from choosing to accept that what “might have been” will never be, the closure you get from knowing it was a happy time, and having lived through that, is really how we grow up and move on when we get heartbroken.

    I loved this post 🙂 <3 And so glad that you allowed the love to take you where it could. May you never regret your open heart – it’s a gift 🙂

  2. This post is very heartfelt. Throughout the years, you’ve grown together and learned from each other. You’ve grown to appreciate things that you probably wouldn’t have otherwise (or at least would at a later time). I can seriously relate to the fact that your significant other eventually becomes your best friend, biggest supporter, and {everything}.

    The feels struck with this: Stop blaming me. I’m upset. Don’t ignore it. Don’t you dare walk away again.

    Your love has always been strong since the very beginning. You’ve done whatever you can to keep the fire going. You deserve the greatest, Pauline. You also deserve to live and achieve your dreams. Despite some challenges, you’ve pulled through and scored a spot in your placement. This is how you progress further in life!

    I’m so sorry he had to leave you hanging like that. It’s not right and straight out douchey. But you know what? I am proud of you for keeping yourself together and despite having a confrontation recently, you were smart with your words. You were not vulnerable and kept your head up. You’ve achieved so many great heights this year alone. You’ve always had the fire burning but it has been ignited more than ever.

    Relationships are definitely not easy. Everyone struggles and we often forget to seize the moment. I love how you’ve stayed true to yourself and what you believe in. I have serious respect for you really admire the way you take on things and the way you wrote this post was beautifully executed.

  3. I absolutely LOVED this, girl got me all emotional!
    Bravo Pauline. You’re so strong and I love how beautifully written this was – definitely straight from your heart.

    Love you lots sweetie! X

  4. This was an interesting read (and also a sad one!) I think one thing about long term relationships, especially ones that start out so young like this one, is that sometimes the two parties just grow into totally different people. Someone who is maybe intimidated by your success and what you’re doing etc, isn’t quite someone who is on your team and being in a relationship you’re essentially two halves of a whole.

    I also love what you said about becoming ‘yourself’ rather than just someone’s ‘girlfriend’, having your own identity is always important! And I’m glad you’ve grown a lot since the relationship!

    As you said relationships aren’t a walk in the park especially as time goes on as it can become easy to tale eachother for granted (and that is always something to be mindful of)

    Really loved reading this and I’m glad you’ve found someone you suit now! 🙂

  5. Beautiful written story, sad, but so so beautiful at the same time. I agree with you, we take for granted a long term relationship. I think it’s wonderful you learned from your relation and you have a good memory. After a breakup so many people despise and hate the other without realising they had amazing times together and those should be remembered too.
    Hugs xx


    Honestly, though, I read this on the way to work the other day and I was actually tearing up on the bus. I always read blog posts in the morning and I always seem to catch the emotional ones when I do so that by the time I get to work I look like Niagara Falls have been all over my face 😂

    Thank you for sharing this, P. Honestly, you are so brave to do this and I am so proud of you for doing so. I can’t imagine the amount of effort it took to write this but I can feel your emotions, and it touched my heart.

    You actually inspired me to write a short piece the other day (It won’t get published, but it was good for my own sake), so THANK YOU. I really needed some creative inspiration because the well is running dry, atm.

    I am STILL angry about what he did to you on that day and I just. ARGH. If I ever saw him, I would go all MMA on his ass. What can I even say about relationships? They’re tough, but you do live and you learn and I guess that’s just what adulthood is. What I can say is that you have grown into the most amazing, inspirational, beautiful woman I know – honestly, you are so brave and thank you again for sharing this 💕 LOVE YOU, GURL!

  7. What a beautifully written post, Pauline. I admit, I cannot apply this to myself since I was never in a relationship, but I can certainly relate to this from a friendship point of views. I’ve had a couple of good friends just walk away from me without any explanation, and it hurt. I understand we all change and some friendship needs to end, but just give me that closure and tell me what I did so at the least I am aware of it.

    It’s clear that you two had a great time together, so it’s good there are some good memories of you two being together. I am only sorry he hurt you like that, though. Like I said, a sense of closure would have been nice. The way he just ended things in five minutes without much explanation boils me X_X And while you may have not completely moved on (as shown by your encounter with him this past spring), you’ve moved on as best as you can, and you’ve grown stronger and wiser from this. Pining over guys, wondering if it’s something you did wrong — don’t do it. For most guys, it’s really not worth it.

    Thank you for writing this, Pauline. Thank you for sharing this with us.

  8. UGHHHH. The feels, damn it. This was such a beautiful piece, Pauline.

  9. That is a beautiful piece of writing. Breakups are hard but if you learn the lessons from the relationship, they are never something to feel sad about. Life goes on and gets better.

  10. God, this was good to read.
    Therapeutic to put it all in front of you, even if you lived all of these moments. Recalling them can make you see things you didn’t really see while in those moments. I recalled some of my similar memories. It’s interesting how everyone can recall a similar memory when it comes to relationships/friendships.
    Thanks for sharing something so personal and real. <3<3

  11. yikes, i forgot to comment after reading this because i was so emotional about everything you have written.

    i know i’ve said this before on twitter but gurl, you are responsible for my sniffs and teary eyes okay! this is such a beautiful piece in a bittersweet kind of way. i have never experienced heartbreak so i don’t know what to say but i’m sure you have matured and learned a lot from your experience. i can see that you have, judging from your writing. i know this sounds stupid but for someone who wish that she wouldn’t have to go through heartbreak (told you it’s stupid idealism, especially because i’m a realist 99.9% of the time), this post feels like it can be my sanctuary if i (knock wood) ever had to go through a failed relationship. this post also makes me appreciate relationships even more. i know relationships are never easy because breakups are way easier of a solution but this, this post… ah, i cannot even explain myself without repeating the same sentence over and over again.

    i just wanna say, i too have learned and gained some sense and thoughts after reading your post.

    and i’m sorry you had to go through the pain, felt like you were treated less, felt like you deserved more because i DO think you deserve more and better. like you said, you are wiser, stronger and you have survived through, pulled through. that is really admirable of you, paupau (okay forgive me i like to invent nicknames for people like this) and i mean it. i hope i can conquer all upcoming obstacles in my current relationship the way you strongly conquered yours.

    love ya gurl <3

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  13. This is such a lovely piece of writing, Pauline. I’m at my desk trying not to cry right now. I really loved reading it, and it definitely didn’t feel as long as you said on your Twitter! I enjoyed it so much.

    I’m sorry that this relationship didn’t work out, but at least you learned a lot from it. I think past relationships teach us a lot, about ourselves and what we want in life. My previous relationship felt so restricting, because I felt way too young to be considering someone else when making choices. I know some people might meet “the one” in their teens and be happy forever, but that just didn’t work for me.

    It’s weird to look back and realise you were wrong about things and might have treated someone less well than you should have, but that’s a part of growing up really. I made a lot of mistakes in my previous relationship that I never admitted or even realised, but feel horrible about now. I think it’s especially difficult when you’re young, and still discovering who you are and building your life. It’s hard to balance your own dreams and a relationship. But in the end you do what’s best for you.

    Loved this post! Hope you do more like this!

  14. Love your writing, so heartfelt, I want to read more haha! The photos are so poetic and loved the mention of the Lake District, I’m born and bred there! 😀 xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (lets follow each other on bloglovin or instagram)

  15. Aww Pauline, this was beautiful, and I really felt for you as you took us through this journey. Relationships aren’t easy at all, and I’m sorry that this one ended in the way that it did. No one deserves to be treated like that, and not having closure really isn’t a good feeling. I’m glad that the beginning was filled with happiness at least, and that there are good memories from it that you kept with you. You’re a strong person for appreciating what it was and then moving forward! Experiences like this only strengthen us and help shape us as a person.

    Not related to this entry, but I wanted to wish you a happy birthday again! I’m so glad you’re having such a good time in NY! I can’t wait to hear more when you get back 🙂

  16. Wow. I couldn’t stop reading this. My eyes were glued to the screen. I needed this so badly right now– so thank you.

  17. This was so well written and you expressed your feelings very well. I am sorry that things didn’t turned out as you’d wish to, but they turned out like they were supposed to. I am sure you had a lot to learn from that relationship and I am sure that you will hold him dear all your life.

    Happy birthday and have fun in New York. I saw the pictures and they are amazing. Can’t wait to read about the trip <3

  18. So, as I mentioned from your latest post, here I am.

    I’m not quite sure what to say after reading your testament (or rather, I couldn’t find the right words to say). There were so many different kinds of reactions and thoughts that swarmed all over my mind as I was reading from the beginning till the end. Some of the parts you’ve written here reminded me of my past also, and how they also reminded why I am single (and happy) today. Going through two failed relationships myself years ago, I also fell victim to the “recreation” of myself being someone’s girlfriend from my first one. A lot are saying that “opposites attract,” but in my case, it doesn’t really apply.

    But, it’s part of being human. In the earlier days, we were naive on a lot of things. There are even times in which some of these things we had to learn them the harder way. They were hard, exhausting, and most of all painful, but time always heals, and just from the past posts I’ve been reading from you, you are back to being you, but this time, you are in complete control of yourself.

    I wish I knew you more back then, but 2012 was my “recovery year” (from one week of a not-so relaxing Christmas trip to the hospital) and was just floating around blogs then. In that way, I would say more. What you wrote here reminded me of a novel piece that would ultimately win a literary prize for its beautiful prose. But this is not fiction, this is real.

    Thank you for sharing this. You are indeed stronger now than you were then. 🙂

  19. I read this today.
    I know this was your story and something you went through, but as some one who went through almost exactly the same thing in 2017 as well this story hits on a different level.
    So beautifully written…
    I think relationships always make us stronger (either together or apart).
    And you have become a much much stronger version of you, Paw and im soooo proud of your achievements. They inspire me to keep working towards my own dreams, to keep pushing even when the world pulls u down!

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